Didn't you hear? Evolution is a mystery.
So there's the Survivor Series PPV tonight. I would say that it snuck out of nowhere, but while watching the Eddie tributes I heard about it. Apparently the theme is Raw vs Smackdown. Usually this would be kind of interesting since the people from the two shows almost never face off, but the teams are kind of... bad. Sure, if Eddie was still alive we'd get our first taste ever of Eddie vs Michaels. But he's not, so we get our first taste ever of Lashley vs Masters. Oh so very exciting. Let me tell you the teams now.
On Raw we start with Shawn Michaels. Great choice, one I would have made myself. Big Show and Kane follow. Understandable choices and believable, you need some power. Carlito. What the fuck, Carlito?! Stop trying to force this worthless Puerto Rican down our throats. We barely accept him as it is, his gimmick is a bore. Use him in some other capacity, but in his current state noone cares. And last and least we have... Chris Masters. WHAT THE FUCK! Nobody, and I do mean nobody, gives a shit about this worthless mass of muscles. Vince has always had a thing for bodybuilders, but COME ON. Masters can't wrestle for shit, maybe in 1920 he could've passed off as decent but not now. Constantly putting him in the main event will warp the mind of the fans, however, and soon they'll be all like "Chris Masters is the most skilled wrestler alive, the best submissionist."
Smackdown's team is a little, how shall we say, crappier. It's led by Bautista, the half-Filipino champion. This is an idiotic move, he's injured and can contribute little. Still, I guess you need him. We follow him with Randy Orton. Good choice, beat the 'Taker and is a former champion. Orton is followed by JBL. I don't particularly care for JBL and I don't agree with his inclusion, but the fans buy it so whatever. Up next is Rey Mysterio. This is seriously cool. Despite being FAR smaller than anyone else in this match, he really is standing with the heavyweights. His inclusion in this is hopefully a mark that he will be shooting for that gold some day. The last member of this team is someone that I've never seen before this last week. His name is Bobby Lashley, though you may as well call him Black Brock Lesnar. He's just some muscle-freak OVW grad. Seemingly, he's only been on TV for 3 weeks, but is already a "major player" on Smackdown. Whatever fuck you.
Oh and Kurt Angle goes up against John Cena for the real WWE Championship. My peep Shawn Daivari is the ref in this match, and I have a feeling that Angle may take this one. His last title reign was what, two years ago? Three? Go Angle. If Angle doesn't take it tonight look for Cena to have a one-year title reign.
The E needs some bloody stables. These are usually hit or miss, but they the ability to do it right. ROH is building its product around strong stables feuding. Rottweilers, Embassy, GenNext are all strong stables. Sure the dynamic is different and stables exist to continue feuds when certain wrestlers can't make shows. But the quality is there. The E needs a good old fashioned stable feud. Evolution was a great stable, four world champions. They didn't have any direct opponents, but they were quality because they dominated. Another dominating stable is what the E needs. Another DX or Four Horsemen. Yeah it'd be hard to do that, but they have to try. Stop looking for the next Rock, Cena's all you have. And PLEASE stop looking for the next Lesnar, he's the ONLY successful muscle freak ever. No mas no mas.
Till next time, I hate the E.
Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple no would've done just fine.
On Raw we start with Shawn Michaels. Great choice, one I would have made myself. Big Show and Kane follow. Understandable choices and believable, you need some power. Carlito. What the fuck, Carlito?! Stop trying to force this worthless Puerto Rican down our throats. We barely accept him as it is, his gimmick is a bore. Use him in some other capacity, but in his current state noone cares. And last and least we have... Chris Masters. WHAT THE FUCK! Nobody, and I do mean nobody, gives a shit about this worthless mass of muscles. Vince has always had a thing for bodybuilders, but COME ON. Masters can't wrestle for shit, maybe in 1920 he could've passed off as decent but not now. Constantly putting him in the main event will warp the mind of the fans, however, and soon they'll be all like "Chris Masters is the most skilled wrestler alive, the best submissionist."
Smackdown's team is a little, how shall we say, crappier. It's led by Bautista, the half-Filipino champion. This is an idiotic move, he's injured and can contribute little. Still, I guess you need him. We follow him with Randy Orton. Good choice, beat the 'Taker and is a former champion. Orton is followed by JBL. I don't particularly care for JBL and I don't agree with his inclusion, but the fans buy it so whatever. Up next is Rey Mysterio. This is seriously cool. Despite being FAR smaller than anyone else in this match, he really is standing with the heavyweights. His inclusion in this is hopefully a mark that he will be shooting for that gold some day. The last member of this team is someone that I've never seen before this last week. His name is Bobby Lashley, though you may as well call him Black Brock Lesnar. He's just some muscle-freak OVW grad. Seemingly, he's only been on TV for 3 weeks, but is already a "major player" on Smackdown. Whatever fuck you.
Oh and Kurt Angle goes up against John Cena for the real WWE Championship. My peep Shawn Daivari is the ref in this match, and I have a feeling that Angle may take this one. His last title reign was what, two years ago? Three? Go Angle. If Angle doesn't take it tonight look for Cena to have a one-year title reign.
The E needs some bloody stables. These are usually hit or miss, but they the ability to do it right. ROH is building its product around strong stables feuding. Rottweilers, Embassy, GenNext are all strong stables. Sure the dynamic is different and stables exist to continue feuds when certain wrestlers can't make shows. But the quality is there. The E needs a good old fashioned stable feud. Evolution was a great stable, four world champions. They didn't have any direct opponents, but they were quality because they dominated. Another dominating stable is what the E needs. Another DX or Four Horsemen. Yeah it'd be hard to do that, but they have to try. Stop looking for the next Rock, Cena's all you have. And PLEASE stop looking for the next Lesnar, he's the ONLY successful muscle freak ever. No mas no mas.
Till next time, I hate the E.
Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple no would've done just fine.
